Dexter’s Laboratory Porn Story: The Guides Chapter 3
Ooh, look at me, updating after way too long. Ha. Sorry.
I have a neon pink Band-Aid on my ankle. Amazing, I know.
Without further ado/ramblings, here’s the third installment of my out-of-this-world (sorry ’bout the pun) story! There should be about three more chapters after this, and possibly some sort of epilogue.
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As Dexter finished the printing of his next guide, he reflected on the business so far. It was rather tedious, with so little science involved, but he needed to make money for experiments somehow.
He inserted the guide, as well as the promised bobble head figure, into a box. After a minute of addressing and postmarking, the guide was on its way.
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THE BEGINNING NOVICE’S GUIDE TO EARTH’S CUSTOMS
Hello, and thank you for ordering the third guide in this series. We will be touching on a few previously mentioned items, as in the last guide, but this one is more focused on details.
1. Pop culture:
Popular culture is, as the name implies, cultural aspects that are common in society. Pop culture can include movies, music, food, clothes, etc.
A) The current style in music is rather untalented, scantly clad women singing unintelligent lyrics to the sound of a high-pitched ringtone… if you’ll excuse the detailed description. Also popular is “rock and roll” – very loud. Enough said.
B) Movies are generally action or comedy. They can also be sad, romantic, fantasy, mystery… well, let’s just say there are a lot of movie genres.
C) Clothes are getting to be an imitation of what people see in magazines, movies, and music videos. In other words, people do what they’re told if they think it’ll make them more appealing to society.
D) Food, as mentioned in the previous guides, has taken a turn towards the fast, convenient type. Meals at home, however, are still enjoyed occasionally.
2. Money:
Once again, we dabble on the subject of money. That just goes to show how important it is.
A) In America, which is basically what runs the world anyway, the money is counted in American Dollars. There are also pennies, dimes, nickels and quarters. There are four quarters is a dollar. There are 10 dimes in a dollar. There are 20 nickels is a dollar, and two of them in a dime. Finally we have pennies – 100 in a dollar, 25 in a quarter, 10 in a dime, and five in a nickel. One penny is equal to one cent.
B) You probably didn’t take much of that in. It doesn’t really matter much, though. It’s not like you’d ever really have to get the hang of it.
3. Crime & punishment:
As well being a novel, crime and punishment is a good way to describe society’s standings.
A) Rules, as I’m sure you’re familiar with, are set to prevent bad things from happening. Or to prevent stupid things from happening. Or to prevent anti-governmental things from happening. They can be as small as “no running in the halls” or as big as “do not murder him, no matter how sure you are he’s hitting on your girlfriend.” If a rule is broken, there are indeed consequences.
B) Some of the bigger rules are called laws, and are enforced by figures of authority. Namely, police. If you’re going to do something against the law (“illegal”) you might want to avoid these police.
C) If you’re caught breaking a rule, there is punishment. Usually, the consequence will vary depending on the severity of the crime in question.
4. Jobs:
As previously mentioned, jobs earn money to spend on necessities such as food, shelter and clothing. There are many kinds of jobs.
A) Teenage-preferred jobs. These are the simple ones, requiring no formal education. Remember when we learned about fast food? Many fast food establishments are carried by teenaged, that is to say, persons in the stage of development from child to adult. Minimum-requirement jobs with minimum pay.
B) Average jobs – quite self-explanatory, really. When one has a bit of fancy education, one can assume a position of moderate requirements, moderate pay, and moderate complication. Such as teaching. For the average joe.
C) Now, the big-shot jobs. These jobs require many years of hard work and training… usually. Much education and intelligence… and once again, I stress, usually. These pay very well and often lie in the area of medicine, research or, my personal favorite, science.
5. History:
Yes, the subject you’ve been looking forward to, I’m sure. We’ll look over the four most easily divisible eras, a few of which overlap slightly, but are still each quite prominent.
A) On the topic of Antiquity (ancient history), not much is known for the earlier years. That is because nobody ever bothered to write it down properly. There were many ancient civilizations, including but not limited to Egyptians, Incas, Mayans, Asian… too many to keep it brief here. They have accomplished things that seem like they would have been impossible in their time. This period of time started basically at the very beginning, and lasted until about the year 900 (more on years in a few paragraphs).
B) In the Middle Ages, that is, after they started counting years but before advanced technology, it was a bit grim. For the first half of this era, there was much disease and crazy ideas that usually just got people killed, but occasionally made a positive difference in society. There were many wars are bad decisions. For this reason, these times are often referred to as the Dark Ages. This era lasted from about the 400s to the 1400s.
C) In the Early Modern period, well… it was pretty artsy-fartsy. There were painters, sculptors, musicians. A few inventors. The years of imagination and hope, one might say. From the 1300s to the 1700s.
D) Lastly, the Modern era. This is from the 1700s to present day. At the time of this publication, it is the year 2007 on the Gregorian calendar. That is not to say that the Earth is merely 2007 years old – we only started counting then. As far as scientists can surmise, the Earth is about 6.5 billion years old. In other parts of the world they are at different years since they started counting sooner or later than we. But they obviously don’t know what they’re talking about, since they don’t belong to our religion. There will be more on religion in upcoming guides.
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Dexter immediately returned to a shelved experiment after sending off the rest of the guides. Though he didn’t think of it then or any time soon after, but in the history section, he never did mention the fact that nearly nobody on Earth knew conclusively that aliens did, in fact, exist.
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I don’t think this one was as funny as usual. Ahh shame on me, making readers wait for 37 years for an update then making it not up to par. But y’know, to make up for it, do you see that tiny hint of a plot there? No, to the left.. there, that’s the one! Look for that plotline and/or anticlimax in a chapter coming soon to a FanFiction site near you.